On March 15th 2011, Danny flew to New York with his brother to seek treatment at North Shore University Hospital in Manhasset.   The rest of the family followed the next day.   Danny had received special permission to be discharged from MD Anderson around 5AM to catch his flight.  That morning, there was a renewed sense of excitement in his voice, renewed hope.  He even had his favorite Shipley’s donuts for breakfast!

The 27 days to come turned out to be Danny’s most difficult days.  Constant pain, suffering and sleeplessness plagued him.   Each day, he had little or nothing good to look forward to but Danny remained thankful and hopeful in the Lord.  He did get to spend some good key moments with visiting friends and family.  He also had one last skype session with Matt Chandler, one of his favorite pastors from the Village Church in Dallas, TX:  Matt Chandler talks about Danny.

Danny was only 26 years old when he passed to glory but in the end, his desire came true:
“My only desire is to stand firm in the faith, at all costs. Nothing else matters in this world — as we are here for only a flash of a second, considering eternity’s everlasting time frame. If we are to follow Jesus, it will require great sacrifice and commitment — The Journey isn’t an easy one, but the reward is indescribable.

Very often, I imagine the moment I will meet the Lord face to face, hoping that He will tap me on the back and tell me: “Son, good job, you fought the good fight, and you ran the race marked out for you.”
I hope that this is your desire, too.”

Daniel Haddad – September 28, 1984 to April 12 2011.

Always engraved in our hearts and deeply missed habibi!
Our treasure and our hero!

On behalf of Daniel, the family would like to send special thanks and gratitude to all the dear family, friends and acquaintances who have shown us love and have supported us and lifted us up in prayer when we were in deep need for it through this extraordinary journey.

The first cycle was easier than the second. By the time the second cycle came around, it was very draining, tiring and heavy on my shoulders to go to MD Anderson every day for Chemo. But I pressed on, and kept remembering the Lord’s mercies and His beautiful and most touching hand on my life.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

I was very sad to know I might lose my hair, which I worked hard on growing ;)

Another side effect from this Chemo is extreme diarrhea, to the point of dehydration, leading the patient to get admitted to the hospital to get fluids infused in the body (to save one’s life) — kind of like Cholera. I kept asking around to know when these side effects would take place, and everyone confirmed that they usually begin on Day 8-9.
As those days came by, I remember vividly sitting on the toilet seat and feeling relieved from stress and thanking the Lord that I did not get diarrhea at that moment, every single time! And as the days went by, this was routine for me: to praise God’s name in the toilet as well!
Nurses told me stories about how patients would run from the bed to the restroom every couple minutes and how the patient was living an usual kind of life — near a clean restroom!

Jesus Christ was taking care of me once again, as I did not lose my hair by the end of the 2nd cycle, and I didn’t get any diarrhea symptoms over the course of the 45 days (2 Cycles)! It was a miracle from above!!  He really helped me get by some tough and unneeded side effects.

On October 17th, 2010, a childhood friend from Lebanon was supposed to visit me at the hospital. He lives in San Antonio and was driving from there to see me for the day. I was surprised he decided to leave work on a Wednesday to do this, but I was pleased that I would see him anyways. Around the time he was supposed to arrive, my other friend from France pops in my room and surprises me!!! I was speechless the first couple of seconds as my mind wasn’t able to process what was going on!
He came to visit me from France for 4 hours, and then was ready to catch a flight that same night! My San Antonio friend helped make the surprise happen (by picking up the friend from the airport and dropping him off etc…). They really surprised me in the hospital room! It was a surprise I will never forget, and one of the best ones I’ve ever had too!! Thank you guys so much!!

After I finished my Chemo for that day, we were fortunate enough to meet with another dear friend and have dinner before heading to the airport and dropping off the friend from France! The 4 of us were classmates about 13 years ago, and were reunited in Houston, TX! Those were good times…

For those of you who live in Houston: we had Dimassi’s that night for dinner! lol, anyhow…the whole Chemo day turned out to be a blast, and I savored every moment, as our few moments spent together were rare and  maybe the last — not to be pessimistic, but who knows when we’ll be reunited again? This is life, anything can happen to anyone at any time….and even if we’re all good and healthy; our schedules halfway across the globe might not work out again like this…

As usual, I am to do a PET Scan and a CT Scan after every 2 Cycles of Chemo…We weren’t very hopeful about this Chemo, as everytime I would stop the cycle and take my one week break, incredible and hard-to-describe pains would reign over my body. I was paralyzed a few times and couldn’t move my arms and had a tough time standing on my left leg, as it was very weak. I felt all my bones were failing on me, and extreme pains would hit me as soon as I made any movement that wasn’t fitting.

The Lord is amazing though, as He gave me a verse that completely fit my physical status during this painful time:

Hebrews 12:11-13
“Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. “

My left knee and my arm were hurting, so this verse was perfect; also a perfect reminder that all this trial, this journey is simply a boot camp for me to come out a different person that yields fruit, as the verse says..

I started getting afraid to stand up, because my left leg would cause so much pain that it would drop me back to the floor or to my bed. I was simply aching all over….It was a nightmare. Pain beyond belief….The most pain I’ve ever experienced in my life…But those were all signs that the Chemo didn’t work. We didn’t expect much, and I told my mother before meeting with my doctor “Mom, I’m expecting my body to have 10-15 tumors by now; but please don’t worry! It is not over, and Christ is still in control of my life and of everything! It is part of His plan….” I wanted her to be prepared before our meeting…

And indeed, that’s what happened… We were living a dream during our doctor visit as he showed us the dark spots on the scan….they were so numerous, and all over my body! It was a scary sight. I had one on my neck, one on each shoulder, about 4-5 on my spinal cord, and 3 in my pelvis…I had to keep it together during the meeting, trusting the Lord and keeping my eyes focused on Him always…This is all a spiritual warfare after all! But I shall not let go that easily, nor will I believe any of the devil’s lies…God is good, and I love Him regardless of all! I thank Him for all He has done in my life!

Our chances of anything working was dwindling away. Our doctor had ONE more Chemo for me to try before giving up on my case. My tumor cells had become very resistant to Chemo, and chances of the new Chemo working were also slim….but we were going to go for it, as we had nothing to lose, and nothing else to do.

_________________

I am reminded by a story that a dear friend sent to me a few months ago from Mark Chapter 5.
It tells the story of the synagogue ruler who went to Jesus, urgently seeking Him to come along to his house and heal his dying daughter. Jesus agreed to go with the man to his house so he could heal his sick daughter. On the way, Jesus was interrupted and delayed by His encounter with a hemorrhaging woman who touched His robe. He stopped for His chat with her. I never noticed before that this woman’s story was an interruption to the synagogue leader’s story. By the time Jesus was done with that woman, news came that it was too late for the daughter because she had died while Jesus took time for the bleeding woman. When Jesus heard the BAD NEWS, He immediately said to the father, “DON’T BE AFRAID, ONLY BELIEVE”.

God bless you all!!

Her worry and extreme concern raised a flag in my head that night. I was scheduled for the Bone Scan the next morning, Thursday, October 14, 2010.

Walking through the Sarcoma floor on a regular basis, it is not uncommon for me to see 1 (one) out of 3 or 4 patients with limbs missing, whether arms or legs. I have been seeing this for the last 9 months… It is very discomforting and saddening, and I always ask myself how the patients are able to overcome this mountain of a problem…In my mind, this disaster never added up. Sarcoma is notoriously known to be the Cancer that leads to the most limbs being cut off. As a matter of fact, my first MD Anderson Bone Sarcoma Cancer patient friend, a 28-year old, lost his leg last year and is on a prosthetic one. I never had the courage to ask him how life has been since this incident, or what his thoughts are towards this. Not much can be said to cheer up a person with a missing arm or leg.

That night, before sleeping, my mother and sister knelt next to my bed and we started praying. I remember I was anxious for the prayer to be over so that I can burst out in tears, privately. I was very worried. I told the Lord: “God, I need my left arm to lead worship in Church, to open a Bible, to hold my son/daughter…Please, Oh God, have mercy on me.” It was very intense, my pleas were very real and the impact it had on me lingers to this day… but through my mom and sister’s prayers and through mine, the Lord gave me peace a few minutes later. It was beautiful….I was able to sleep with a smile on my face, trusting that my arm was clear of tumors! This feeling and this peace, I cannot describe, but it is the one Paul describes in

Philippians 4:7
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

On October  12, 2010, the day I did my PET and CT Scans, I was also very worried and anxious about the results. We had been readying ourselves for the big surgery for months…. and having complications in the scans meant a cancelled surgery, a lower prognosis and just a worse situation overall.

As I waiting in the “Waiting Room” to get called for my CT Scan, I read through the whole book of Ecclesiastes — all 12 Chapters. I didn’t read through the chapters with haste either,  but rather was simply planning to focus on the chapter at hand. The wait turned out to be so long that I ended up finishing all 12 chapters. My hunger for reading had gone. I was feeling refreshed in the Lord and many verses spoke loudly to me. It was perfect!

While thinking about the scans and their results, I kept telling the Lord how everything was in His hands and that I am powerless. I am weak. I am nothing, and He is all and He is worthy to be praised! But shortly thereafter, a voice whispered in my ear and told me to kneel in front of everyone in the waiting room and pray. Initially, I circumvented the whisper and ignored it. I wasn’t interested in kneeling to pray in front of 40 people in the middle of the day. I was too shy, too timid. But the voice started getting louder, and I was no longer able to sway it. I started delaying my praying, in the hopes that my name would be called for the Scan….but all these things were futile. I knew it had to happen! I had to pull myself together and do it, regardless of what anyone around me thought.

The Lord gave me boldness through this, and I was more encouraged to do it knowing that I was ‘humbling‘ myself and becoming more and more to His liking. I took pleasure in knowing I was ‘broken‘ and that I needed all the humility I can get for the Lord to even lend an ear to my minuscule plea. Ever since this journey began, I started hating pride, and wanted the Lord to help me get rid of any pride inside of me. This was a perfect exercise for me.
With these thoughts running through my mind, I became encouraged about it and did it. I prayed for about 15 minutes, and the Lord blessed my prayer. I told myself and the Lord that I would no longer give Him a hard time doing this next time, and that I would be more obedient, more compliant and more bold about my faith.  As I said….the Lord is in the “changing hearts” business.

Going back to Ecclesiastes, the book can be summed up in:

Ecclesiastes 12:13
“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is man’s all.”

I find tremendous encouragement in Ecclesiastes because it reminds me that that the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep His commandments. King Solomon, the wisest and wealthiest man at the time, wrote this Book near the end of his life. He did not finish the race strong. Instead, he found himself very frustrated after doing lots of things, including indulging in the pleasures of this world. This is the last thing I want to do. How can the Lord be merciful to me when I don’t even plan to keep His commandments?

As my name was called for the Bone Scan, my prayers never ceased. During the whole process, I was asking the Lord to spare my arm and to give me Tumor-Free results! I felt the pain in the arm, but did my best to trust the Lord as He knows what’s best for me. This alleviated the process.

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A few hours later, we met with Dr. Lewis so that she can share the results with us….My arm and shoulder were Tumor-Free! Praise God!!

In the meanwhile, I went through a very tough night (the night before), I went through a humbling prayer experience, I had hunger for reading the Bible (Ecclesiastes), I increased my faith and my trust in the Lord, and, most importantly, I SAVORED and TASTED a glimpse of GOD’s GRACE!…It was the first time in my life that I experience His grace so powerfully and so beautifully! When I heard the results, I cried numerous times that day and was so thankful to the Lord! I was simply trying to contemplate about some of His Grace and trying to meditate on what it meant.

Bottom line, I was touched beyond words, and grew more in Love with the Lord after this experience. I wish each and every one of us can try to experience God’s grace. It is much needed and it changes hearts. The Lord is good!

Danny was scheduled to have surgery on October 19.  It was supposed to involve Reconstruction of the Pelvis, with grafts, and all that other stuff that he talks about in his previous posts…The week before that, he had to do all the tests again, (Pet Scan, CT Scan, MRI..) so that they can determine the extent of the surgery.

On October 12, we were scheduled to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Lewis, who was going to operate on Danny.  That day, after being in the waiting room for a while, a nurse called us in, and we all followed her into the consultation room where Dr. Lewis was going to meet with us.  We waited there for her (the surgeon) to show up.  The atmosphere in the room was heavy.  The last 2-3 months had been leading up to these very moments, and we were all very anxious.  We prayed out loud, in whispers, together, and separately.

As we waited, we kept hearing footsteps going back and forth in the hall.  Each time the footsteps got closer, our hearts would sink that the moment was finally here…and after a while, the last set of footsteps were indeed those of Dr. Lewis, making her way into our room.  Danny started to joke with her (typical Danny I guess, always finding humor, even in the most unlikely places J).  We all managed a few laughs, but it wasn’t long before it was back to serious mode.  Dr. Lewis asked Danny how he was feeling.  Danny told her some of the things he was going through, namely describing the ‘new’ pain he now felt in his lower back and left arm.  To that, she responded: ”the pain you’re having in these areas concerns me”…she rolled back the chair she was sitting in, got on the pc, and pulled up Danny’s files which reflected the latest test results.  There were few moments of silence as she looked over the files, with all our heads peeping over her shoulder to try to catch a glimpse of the scans.  She finally broke the silence: she said that his Cancer had indeed spread to his left pelvis, with a lesion near his back. In other words, she explained that he had now metastasized and because the disease had spread, she ruled out surgery as an option.

I don’t think I can adequately describe the feelings that swept over all of us in the next few moments…shock, disbelief and a sudden sense of panic, would be one way to put it.  While Dr. Lewis was talking, my knees grew immediately weak, very similarly to how I felt when I first heard the news about Danny being diagnosed with cancer on April 2^nd. It seemed to me like the room started spinning, and the next moments felt so surreal.  She kept talking, explaining her thoughts on the matter and her suggestions about what our next steps should be.  I felt exactly like Pink Floyd, in one of his songs: “You are only coming through in waves, your lips move, but I cant hear what you’re saying”…I heard nothing else, my stomach immediately tied into knots, and I quickly looked at Danny

then at my parents, feeling so sad and helpless.  Dr. Lewis left the room, and we all wept.  We all had prayed for many months that there would be no surgery, but to know the reason why there would be no surgery now, seemed too much to bear.

On our way back home, it seems strange to say that Danny was the strongest one among us, but he was.  Ill never forget what Danny told us as we had just walked into the house after that dreadful meeting.  With strength in his voice, a look of renewed hope in his eyes, and peace in his voice, he said: “Guys, this is when we need to have faith, this is exactly when we need to keep trusting the Lord and remain strong in Him”.  He was absolutely right…

In the midst of all the grief, it was such a blessing to hear these words of strength and encouragement from my little bro, and it brought me much joy.

Yes it is extremely difficult.  And yes there is a lot of pain, tears and moments of wondering.  But we know that we know that we know that God is very presently with us, in the middle of this fiery furnace, holding us, and especially Danny, close to His heart – until He stills the storm to a whisper.  And He is GOOD.

Love to you all.

- Joanne Haddad

Isaiah 43:1-3
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

I booked flights for my parents and I….I then humbly kept mentioning to my sister how much the trip was going to be great ;)
A few days later, she succumbs to the idea and gives in. She books her ticket…!

At this point, I can only imagine what my brother was thinking: “Oh boy…They’re all going, and it’s a once in a lifetime trip (right before his brother’s big Surgery day)”…He emails me, a few days later, with a confirmation that he’s joining too. :D

Not too surprised — The whole family was on board! We spent some time planning how we’re going to break up the days as my sister and brother were flying into different airports on different days…It all worked out wonderfully!

The Lord blessed us with a beautiful family trip while almost completely distracting us and making us forget the tough days that awaited us….

Although we visited a few countries and many cities, I don’t know how privileged I am knowing I got to visit the largest Jewish Concentration Camp in the world: Poland’s Auschwitz – Birkenau Concentration Camp. The Camp is located in the city of Oświęcim (Auschwitz), a Polish city, as the Nazis established this camp on Polish soil and renamed the city Auschwitz.

It was so depressing, and I just feel the need to tell you how saddened I am by knowing how evil man has been along the years. I know we’ve all seen history do cruel things, and that we always bring up the topics again, but being at the location and imagining the gruesome treatment the prisoners received just made my stomach so upset. My family and I spent the next couple of days obsessed with what we saw, and we kept analyzing things… We couldn’t rest our minds, unfortunately… It was beyond harsh to see what some people had gone through, enclosed in these fences. If you ever venture out to that side of the world, make sure you visit the camp at the END of your trip, not the beginning!

I don’t know if you recall about a year ago, the Auschwitz Camp Entrance Sign “Arbeit Macht Frei” was stolen:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/world-war-2/6838368/Auschwitz-entrance-sign-stolen.html, this was one of the few thrills of being there, at the same spot….only a few months after the incident.

I am not going to go into details about anything we saw, but the “Wall of Death” was also something that stuck to my head — specifically after watching the many Hollywood movies that portray this famous Wall and the many historical incidents that happened on this block:

One last thing I will mention about this topic, as it bothered me more than visiting the camp itself, was the fact that MANY of the survivors and liberated Jews were able to impose the wickedness they received on others in Palestine a few months later. I know this is a political topic that will stir a lot of debate among friends, family and others; and for this I am sorry. But it is mind-boggling to see that some of the same people who were treated harshly in the camps and who were begging for mercy, were beginning to do cruel things to others (1948 — only a few years later). It is not a generation later, nor a different population….How could this be?” This is a proof of how man is sinful, man is hateful, man is prideful, man is always selfish, man is unmerciful, man is not grateful and hearts cannot change except through Christ!

An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.” ~ Alexandre Dumas

Anyhow, I love both sides and am not bias, I am simply wanting truth, justice and a pure heart for all. I wish we can all live happily ever after….I wish we can all nurture loving and kind hearts as the Bible best describes it in

1 Peter 3:8
“All of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”

Nothing stirs my heart like a Bible verse, filled with wisdom, love and truth!!

We happened to be in Budapest, Hungary during my Birthday. When the clock ticked Midnight, I was in the hotel room with my beautiful family, the biggest blessing I could ask for… Unfortunately, my brother Basil wasn’t there that night and came a day or 2 after.

We spent some time meditating on how the Lord keeps loving us despite our flaws, our sins, our shortfalls. We spent some time reflecting on what was the 25th year of my life… It was the first time ever that I valued my Birthday. I usually don’t like to think much of a Birthday and would rather the day go by without a celebration of any sort….but this year was different. I was so THANKFUL to the Lord that I made it to 26 years. The meaning of this Birthday was huge, specifically while considering the thoughts that crossed my mind of it being the last one?

I was beyond thankful to the Lord and was praising and glorifying Him for what He has given me so far, and for what He has done. We can spend our eternity citing blessings and things to be thankful for, and not be done in one lifetime…Yes, this is true…

I remembered that my cousin had given me a gift to open when the time is due. I was excited to be doing this gift-opening away from home and away from friends/family….She asked me to take a picture of the end result…..

A few minutes later, as I was getting over the fire shades and the funny card my cousin wrote me, my sister pulls out a big cardboard tube…and hands it to me. At first, I was simply ‘thankful’ for her and for her thoughtfulness. I wasn’t too excited by a poster or a picture, although knowing deep down that Joanne doesn’t just give anything — I’m sure it had a super powerful spiritual meaning and impact. So I got about to opening it…I was right!

Let me say that Joanne’s gift was one of the MOST AMAZING and MOST TOUCHING gift I had ever received in my life. I was tearful at what she brought me…A poster of me in the Operating Room with Jesus Christ standing watch over the team (notice His hand on the Surgeon’s shoulder and the other on the surgeon’s operating hand). It was such a moving moment…I was in awe at what she got, and my perception of surgeries and the Operating Room was forever changed after that night. Jesus Christ is with any person undergoing surgery and He cares for us!!

Here is a more clear version of the picture:

The next morning, on my Birthday, my family treated me to a ‘Royal Family’ – type of restaurant. It was the fanciest restaurant any of us had been to, or even stepped foot into. The walls, ceilings, stairs were decorated with Gold-like colors and grand sculptures and paintings surrounded the restaurant. It was a very special treat — the picture does no justice to the majesty of this restaurant. I felt so blessed, so loved and so cared for — all this seemed even better than it was, as Christ was at the center of my life for the first time in years. I had gained back the joy that I was lacking for so many years. Nothing fills a heart like Christ does!

Another interesting thing that happened on our trip was that while we were in Prague, Czech Republic, we ran into the shooting of Tom Cruise’s newest Mission Impossible Movie:

So if you ever get to watch the movie and see those officers, remember that it was shot on October 2, 2010!

Below are a few other pictures from the trip:

This picture is dedicated to the Best, Most Amazing mother in the world!!! Without her, I wouldn’t be half the man I am today, nor would I have the love of Christ instilled in my heart. Everything about her just blows my mind. I cannot thank her enough, nor can I describe her love, selflessness and sacrifice. I LOVE YOU MOMMY!! Forever…THANK YOU SO MUCH for EVERYTHING!!

The last day before the end of our trip, while in Prague, I found a nice hallway of stairs and decided to do what I wanted to do. I was told I would never be able to run stairs up again after the Surgery I am to undergo…Since it is Re-constructive Surgery,  I was going to lose muscle, bone, nerves — in essence, I would be blessed if I would walk without a limp! Running was out of the question for at least a decade. All this put a deep scar from within, and the days were ticking and my athleticism was almost over….I was thinking more and more about the surgery and my lack of being able to run as the Surgery date was nearing. So I shot this video:

I told my family numerous times that I wasn’t feeling the Surgery, and I felt that Surgery wasn’t going to take place. My dad kept asking me why I felt so…and I had no answer for him….But I believed that God had an alternate plan from that of the world’s….I still shot the video and enjoyed going up and down those stairs….  ;) just in case the Surgery takes places and I am indeed as handicapped as they say I should be!

Finally, on the last night of my trip, I got to see a friend I had not seen in 10 years! He drove over 90km to see me for a few hours. It was a very blessed time together! He is a local, so he showed me around and made me eat and drink authentic Czech food!!!

The plastic surgeon’s role would be to take my Fibula bone out of my leg, and use it to reconstruct the pelvis, as the Ring of the Pelvis was going to get cut into. Apparently a very complicated surgery, which altogether would last about 15 hours.

My dear friend and brother visited me from Lebanon…Such good and blessed times together! Waiting for the surgeon…

If you ever wanted to see how I looked in a skirt/dress, your wish just came true :)

The plastic surgeon was a very sweet and kind person. Although he had a sense of humor amidst what we were going through, he spoke with genuineness and with compassion. One felt he cared for his patient’s care and wellbeing. Any physician, doctor, nurse, surgeon etc…who has no compassion or love for others, or who is unable to extend an arm while putting themselves in their shoes ought to consider another field.

Similarly, any individual who is unable to practice love, compassion, gentleness, forgiveness and patience with others, ought to re-evaluate one’s heart and ponder about who/what is reigning in their life.

I really love the following verse, and want to put it in practice more and more each day, so that I can live a more selfless life, putting others before me, as Christ did for us:

Galatians 6:2
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ”

My dad was super funny in this video as he tells the surgeon “I hope we will not see you again!” :)

After spending over 45 minutes with the plastic surgeon and his team, we had lunch and visited with my surgeon before taking the 4 weeks off.

The meeting with the surgeon didn’t go as we had expected. The surgeon was, all of a sudden, more adamant about a reconstruction of the pelvis. She told us that unless the tumor shrinks considerably by the next time we do scans (usually a week before the Surgery), that she was planning on going forward with the reconstruction. What seemed to be a possibility, became a confirmation (a worldly one, that is).

The hope I had in my mind quickly faded away as I realized how sports, running and athleticism would probably no longer be part of my life. It hammered me down; I was getting ready for the realities that lied ahead, it wasn’t easy to accept. But then I remembered how every breath I have taken so far is solely from Him, through Him and thanks to Him; so my brokenness lasted only for a few minutes, as I was doing my best to take IMMEDIATE joy and hope in the Lord as He is able to change any circumstance!

Psalms 39:7
“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in You.”

“Enjoy your Europe trip”, they say…I shall, I shall, for He lives in me, and that satisfies my deepest thirst, my deepest hunger for anything worldly. Thank you Jesus, for everything!

Every radiation session includes 7 beams/sections and as the machine goes around my body and reached the very last one, my prayers intensified and I was doing my best not to lose focus. It was down to 10 seconds left of radiation. Radiation, after all, is a major treatment plan for my Sarcoma…And having it not work is problematic…So the last 10 seconds were so cumbersome that I barely got to say anything to the Lord, but He knew my heart and when I heard the radiation buzz stop, I knew my Radiation treatment was over. I heard my heart say deep down “Come what may; the Lord is in control.” When I went outside, my mom shared with me how she was praying the same prayer I was, regarding the very last day of Radiation being more powerful than all previous ones combined, and that should the Radiation not have worked previously, that it would work today! It was a beautiful confirmation. The bell behind us is a bell that every graduate of Radiation Therapy is entitled to ring. It felt a bit awkward, but I still rang it ;) I remember seeing many people throughout my sessions ring it, and I always asked myself “I wonder how that felt”…and to my non-surprise, it didn’t feel THAT great. lol. It’s all mental, really. The fact is that Radiation was over!

I didn’t really know what a Colonoscopy was, but I remember seeing my father go through it a few months prior. He was drinking liquids the night before his test and complaining about how bad the solution tasted. My dad is the type of person who is able to eat or drink anything without any questions asked. Whether snails or any other delicatessen out there; he’s in for the fun. So when I saw him making faces while drinking his one and a half gallon liquid mix (which seemed to me like water), I thought he was acting; but as I followed his footsteps, I understood what it was about…The tables have turned and it was his turn to laugh at me while drinking…lol.

The next morning, I woke up very hungry, and that’s maybe why the day seemed awfully long, as I was waiting for my appointment (3pm). Minutes were ticking by slowly, and I was, for once, more than ready to go to the hospital. I knew a big meal awaited me after the process.

The time came, and I was admitted to Room #2, where I was asked to change to a hospital gown.