The past 8-9 months have been the most difficult times of our lives. I know Danny has been sharing a bit about his journey through his blog, and I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your sincere love, support, care and concern for us. It moves us very deeply to know how faithfully some of you have been praying for us, and how you have been lifting us up before the throne of Grace, on a regular basis.
Danny was scheduled to have surgery on October 19. It was supposed to involve Reconstruction of the Pelvis, with grafts, and all that other stuff that he talks about in his previous posts…The week before that, he had to do all the tests again, (Pet Scan, CT Scan, MRI..) so that they can determine the extent of the surgery.
On October 12, we were scheduled to meet with the surgeon, Dr. Lewis, who was going to operate on Danny. That day, after being in the waiting room for a while, a nurse called us in, and we all followed her into the consultation room where Dr. Lewis was going to meet with us. We waited there for her (the surgeon) to show up. The atmosphere in the room was heavy. The last 2-3 months had been leading up to these very moments, and we were all very anxious. We prayed out loud, in whispers, together, and separately.
As we waited, we kept hearing footsteps going back and forth in the hall. Each time the footsteps got closer, our hearts would sink that the moment was finally here…and after a while, the last set of footsteps were indeed those of Dr. Lewis, making her way into our room. Danny started to joke with her (typical Danny I guess, always finding humor, even in the most unlikely places J). We all managed a few laughs, but it wasn’t long before it was back to serious mode. Dr. Lewis asked Danny how he was feeling. Danny told her some of the things he was going through, namely describing the ‘new’ pain he now felt in his lower back and left arm. To that, she responded: ”the pain you’re having in these areas concerns me”…she rolled back the chair she was sitting in, got on the pc, and pulled up Danny’s files which reflected the latest test results. There were few moments of silence as she looked over the files, with all our heads peeping over her shoulder to try to catch a glimpse of the scans. She finally broke the silence: she said that his Cancer had indeed spread to his left pelvis, with a lesion near his back. In other words, she explained that he had now metastasized and because the disease had spread, she ruled out surgery as an option.
I don’t think I can adequately describe the feelings that swept over all of us in the next few moments…shock, disbelief and a sudden sense of panic, would be one way to put it. While Dr. Lewis was talking, my knees grew immediately weak, very similarly to how I felt when I first heard the news about Danny being diagnosed with cancer on April 2nd. It seemed to me like the room started spinning, and the next moments felt so surreal. She kept talking, explaining her thoughts on the matter and her suggestions about what our next steps should be. I felt exactly like Pink Floyd, in one of his songs: “You are only coming through in waves, your lips move, but I cant hear what you’re saying”…I heard nothing else, my stomach immediately tied into knots, and I quickly looked at Danny
then at my parents, feeling so sad and helpless. Dr. Lewis left the room, and we all wept. We all had prayed for many months that there would be no surgery, but to know the reason why there would be no surgery now, seemed too much to bear.
On our way back home, it seems strange to say that Danny was the strongest one among us, but he was. Ill never forget what Danny told us as we had just walked into the house after that dreadful meeting. With strength in his voice, a look of renewed hope in his eyes, and peace in his voice, he said: “Guys, this is when we need to have faith, this is exactly when we need to keep trusting the Lord and remain strong in Him”. He was absolutely right…
In the midst of all the grief, it was such a blessing to hear these words of strength and encouragement from my little bro, and it brought me much joy.
Yes it is extremely difficult. And yes there is a lot of pain, tears and moments of wondering. But we know that we know that we know that God is very presently with us, in the middle of this fiery furnace, holding us, and especially Danny, close to His heart – until He stills the storm to a whisper. And He is GOOD.
Love to you all.
- Joanne Haddad
Isaiah 43:1-3
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the LORD your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
I love my family…I’m usually the spontaneous one…while the others make calculated moves. Initially, after imposing on my parents that I wanted to go to East Europe before my surgery, my siblings didn’t joyfully entertain the thought simply due to the fact that they had used their days off for the year. Not to forget that it was a last minute trip….
I booked flights for my parents and I….I then humbly kept mentioning to my sister how much the trip was going to be great ;)
A few days later, she succumbs to the idea and gives in. She books her ticket…!
At this point, I can only imagine what my brother was thinking: “Oh boy…They’re all going, and it’s a once in a lifetime trip (right before his brother’s big Surgery day)”…He emails me, a few days later, with a confirmation that he’s joining too. :D
Not too surprised — The whole family was on board! We spent some time planning how we’re going to break up the days as my sister and brother were flying into different airports on different days…It all worked out wonderfully!
The Lord blessed us with a beautiful family trip while almost completely distracting us and making us forget the tough days that awaited us….
Although we visited a few countries and many cities, I don’t know how privileged I am knowing I got to visit the largest Jewish Concentration Camp in the world: Poland’s Auschwitz – Birkenau Concentration Camp. The Camp is located in the city of Oświęcim (Auschwitz), a Polish city, as the Nazis established this camp on Polish soil and renamed the city Auschwitz.
It was so depressing, and I just feel the need to tell you how saddened I am by knowing how evil man has been along the years. I know we’ve all seen history do cruel things, and that we always bring up the topics again, but being at the location and imagining the gruesome treatment the prisoners received just made my stomach so upset. My family and I spent the next couple of days obsessed with what we saw, and we kept analyzing things… We couldn’t rest our minds, unfortunately… It was beyond harsh to see what some people had gone through, enclosed in these fences. If you ever venture out to that side of the world, make sure you visit the camp at the END of your trip, not the beginning!
I don’t know if you recall about a year ago, the Auschwitz Camp Entrance Sign “Arbeit Macht Frei” was stolen: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/world-war-2/6838368/Auschwitz-entrance-sign-stolen.html, this was one of the few thrills of being there, at the same spot….only a few months after the incident.
I am not going to go into details about anything we saw, but the “Wall of Death” was also something that stuck to my head — specifically after watching the many Hollywood movies that portray this famous Wall and the many historical incidents that happened on this block:
One last thing I will mention about this topic, as it bothered me more than visiting the camp itself, was the fact that MANY of the survivors and liberated Jews were able to impose the wickedness they received on others in Palestine a few months later. I know this is a political topic that will stir a lot of debate among friends, family and others; and for this I am sorry. But it is mind-boggling to see that some of the same people who were treated harshly in the camps and who were begging for mercy, were beginning to do cruel things to others (1948 — only a few years later). It is not a generation later, nor a different population….How could this be?” This is a proof of how man is sinful, man is hateful, man is prideful, man is always selfish, man is unmerciful, man is not grateful and hearts cannot change except through Christ!
An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life.” ~ Alexandre Dumas
Anyhow, I love both sides and am not bias, I am simply wanting truth, justice and a pure heart for all. I wish we can all live happily ever after….I wish we can all nurture loving and kind hearts as the Bible best describes it in
1 Peter 3:8
“All of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.”
Nothing stirs my heart like a Bible verse, filled with wisdom, love and truth!!
We happened to be in Budapest, Hungary during my Birthday. When the clock ticked Midnight, I was in the hotel room with my beautiful family, the biggest blessing I could ask for… Unfortunately, my brother Basil wasn’t there that night and came a day or 2 after.
We spent some time meditating on how the Lord keeps loving us despite our flaws, our sins, our shortfalls. We spent some time reflecting on what was the 25th year of my life… It was the first time ever that I valued my Birthday. I usually don’t like to think much of a Birthday and would rather the day go by without a celebration of any sort….but this year was different. I was so THANKFUL to the Lord that I made it to 26 years. The meaning of this Birthday was huge, specifically while considering the thoughts that crossed my mind of it being the last one?
I was beyond thankful to the Lord and was praising and glorifying Him for what He has given me so far, and for what He has done. We can spend our eternity citing blessings and things to be thankful for, and not be done in one lifetime…Yes, this is true…
I remembered that my cousin had given me a gift to open when the time is due. I was excited to be doing this gift-opening away from home and away from friends/family….She asked me to take a picture of the end result…..
A few minutes later, as I was getting over the fire shades and the funny card my cousin wrote me, my sister pulls out a big cardboard tube…and hands it to me. At first, I was simply ‘thankful’ for her and for her thoughtfulness. I wasn’t too excited by a poster or a picture, although knowing deep down that Joanne doesn’t just give anything — I’m sure it had a super powerful spiritual meaning and impact. So I got about to opening it…I was right!
Let me say that Joanne’s gift was one of the MOST AMAZING and MOST TOUCHING gift I had ever received in my life. I was tearful at what she brought me…A poster of me in the Operating Room with Jesus Christ standing watch over the team (notice His hand on the Surgeon’s shoulder and the other on the surgeon’s operating hand). It was such a moving moment…I was in awe at what she got, and my perception of surgeries and the Operating Room was forever changed after that night. Jesus Christ is with any person undergoing surgery and He cares for us!!
Here is a more clear version of the picture:
The next morning, on my Birthday, my family treated me to a ‘Royal Family’ – type of restaurant. It was the fanciest restaurant any of us had been to, or even stepped foot into. The walls, ceilings, stairs were decorated with Gold-like colors and grand sculptures and paintings surrounded the restaurant. It was a very special treat — the picture does no justice to the majesty of this restaurant. I felt so blessed, so loved and so cared for — all this seemed even better than it was, as Christ was at the center of my life for the first time in years. I had gained back the joy that I was lacking for so many years. Nothing fills a heart like Christ does!
Another interesting thing that happened on our trip was that while we were in Prague, Czech Republic, we ran into the shooting of Tom Cruise’s newest Mission Impossible Movie:
So if you ever get to watch the movie and see those officers, remember that it was shot on October 2, 2010!
Below are a few other pictures from the trip:
This picture is dedicated to the Best, Most Amazing mother in the world!!! Without her, I wouldn’t be half the man I am today, nor would I have the love of Christ instilled in my heart. Everything about her just blows my mind. I cannot thank her enough, nor can I describe her love, selflessness and sacrifice. I LOVE YOU MOMMY!! Forever…THANK YOU SO MUCH for EVERYTHING!!
The last day before the end of our trip, while in Prague, I found a nice hallway of stairs and decided to do what I wanted to do. I was told I would never be able to run stairs up again after the Surgery I am to undergo…Since it is Re-constructive Surgery, I was going to lose muscle, bone, nerves — in essence, I would be blessed if I would walk without a limp! Running was out of the question for at least a decade. All this put a deep scar from within, and the days were ticking and my athleticism was almost over….I was thinking more and more about the surgery and my lack of being able to run as the Surgery date was nearing. So I shot this video:
I told my family numerous times that I wasn’t feeling the Surgery, and I felt that Surgery wasn’t going to take place. My dad kept asking me why I felt so…and I had no answer for him….But I believed that God had an alternate plan from that of the world’s….I still shot the video and enjoyed going up and down those stairs…. ;) just in case the Surgery takes places and I am indeed as handicapped as they say I should be!
Finally, on the last night of my trip, I got to see a friend I had not seen in 10 years! He drove over 90km to see me for a few hours. It was a very blessed time together! He is a local, so he showed me around and made me eat and drink authentic Czech food!!!
Although I was officially done with my treatments, our vacation wasn’t quite here. I still had 2 meetings: one with my Orthopedic Surgeon and one with my plastic surgeon, and both in the same day, on September 15th. We were surprised to see that MD Anderson had set me up with a plastic surgeon as my Orthopedic Surgeon had told us that I would not need a Reconstruction of the Pelvis for the surgery, thus no need for a plastic surgeon.
The plastic surgeon’s role would be to take my Fibula bone out of my leg, and use it to reconstruct the pelvis, as the Ring of the Pelvis was going to get cut into. Apparently a very complicated surgery, which altogether would last about 15 hours.
My dear friend and brother visited me from Lebanon…Such good and blessed times together! Waiting for the surgeon…
If you ever wanted to see how I looked in a skirt/dress, your wish just came true :)
The plastic surgeon was a very sweet and kind person. Although he had a sense of humor amidst what we were going through, he spoke with genuineness and with compassion. One felt he cared for his patient’s care and wellbeing. Any physician, doctor, nurse, surgeon etc…who has no compassion or love for others, or who is unable to extend an arm while putting themselves in their shoes ought to consider another field.
Similarly, any individual who is unable to practice love, compassion, gentleness, forgiveness and patience with others, ought to re-evaluate one’s heart and ponder about who/what is reigning in their life.
I really love the following verse, and want to put it in practice more and more each day, so that I can live a more selfless life, putting others before me, as Christ did for us:
Galatians 6:2
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ”
My dad was super funny in this video as he tells the surgeon “I hope we will not see you again!” :)
After spending over 45 minutes with the plastic surgeon and his team, we had lunch and visited with my surgeon before taking the 4 weeks off.
The meeting with the surgeon didn’t go as we had expected. The surgeon was, all of a sudden, more adamant about a reconstruction of the pelvis. She told us that unless the tumor shrinks considerably by the next time we do scans (usually a week before the Surgery), that she was planning on going forward with the reconstruction. What seemed to be a possibility, became a confirmation (a worldly one, that is).
The hope I had in my mind quickly faded away as I realized how sports, running and athleticism would probably no longer be part of my life. It hammered me down; I was getting ready for the realities that lied ahead, it wasn’t easy to accept. But then I remembered how every breath I have taken so far is solely from Him, through Him and thanks to Him; so my brokenness lasted only for a few minutes, as I was doing my best to take IMMEDIATE joy and hope in the Lord as He is able to change any circumstance!
Psalms 39:7
“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in You.”
“Enjoy your Europe trip”, they say…I shall, I shall, for He lives in me, and that satisfies my deepest thirst, my deepest hunger for anything worldly. Thank you Jesus, for everything!
